What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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