is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He shit in the fireplace
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