Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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