just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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