my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
