i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
