my phone needs a breathalizer
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
