Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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