I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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