my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
