oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
