Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
