I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need a beard to bite.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
