Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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