i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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