Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
