I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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