On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
