Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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