He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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