How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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