sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
