i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
