I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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