That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
