the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
