i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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