just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my poor anus
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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