well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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