Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
