Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
