So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
