We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
there is puke in my bra ... again
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