Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
