our cab driver is having phone sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
