I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
