You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize