So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
