I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
