I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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