yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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