butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
