Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
