the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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