Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
