Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
