NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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