Me too!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
