tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
