I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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