we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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